


I'll Be Home For Christmas

by thenukacolagirl



Category: Choices-fandom, Open Heart (Visual Novel), PlayChoices, playchoices (visual novel)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blow Jobs, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Home for Christmas, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Praise Kink, Prompt Fic, Relationship Problems, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:01:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21910411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenukacolagirl/pseuds/thenukacolagirl
Summary: Break ups are hard, but they're harder when your ex asks you to pose as a couple again for your parents.
Relationships: Ethan Ramsey/Main Character (Open Heart), Ethan Ramsey/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LilyofFandoms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyofFandoms/gifts).



Edenbrook bustling atmosphere dies once the holidays hit. Well, maybe not die per say, but everyone seems to take a step back and slow themselves down. It's always the week before Thanksgiving this happens, and it stretches right out until New Years Day. 

Bianca rather enjoys the newer atmosphere Edenbrook brings. Christmas is in two weeks, which brought about people's attitudes mellowing out while also keeping up with work. It brings too the smell of cleaning supplies mixing with cinnamon spice scents or some nurses perfumes and or the breakroom goodies she snacks on only to burn off later making her rounds. And even this late at night, on call for overnight shifts, it was the perfect time to appreciate everything and soak up the holiday bliss.

She shuts the door to a patient's room having just given the good news they'd be going home before the start of Hanukkah. A small smile tugs at her lips as she hears them chatter happily through the door. She strides off down the hall, passing by slumbering patients rooms and taking in the various holiday directions that are up. Even a tightass like Zaid she's caught fixing these flimsy things and smiling at his handiwork. Stepping out into the main lobby, she finds one of her coworkers and second year intern, Anna, hanging ornaments from a small tree that sits on the nurses desk. 

"A bit late for decorating, isn't it Dawson?" Bianca chimes as she approaches the station, setting down her clipboard and watching Anna continue to put the overly red and green plastic balls over an equally plastic and green tree. 

Anna chuckles, those doe eyes of her glancing over before turning back to the tree. "My shift is done in 10 minutes and Claire is coming on to take over for the morning," she pauses, "what time are you off?"

“At 8. Came in at 8 last night and work until 8 this morning. Not the worst shift in the world. Only have 2 hours left, why? You going to miss me Dawson?" Bianca teases her and nudges her slightly. Maybe in another lifetime and world she'd have a chance with Anna, the shorter and kind hearted blonde has a certain charm about her that Bianca is sure she's not even aware of. But in this lifetime, she's nonetheless thankful for having her as a friend

“Oh sure I will! You make night shifts fun and we rarely work together. But Dr. Ramsey came by asking for you. Said he needs you in his office asap.” There’s a sadness that undertones her words. Anna knew, outside of Bianca’s own roommates, how things with Dr. Ramsey went. Anna may be understood better than everyone else the turmoils of relationships and how sour things can end.

_ She didn’t deserve to be hurt like that…  _

__

__ _ But you didn’t deserve to be hurt by Ethan either. Even if you did end up hurting each other. _

__ Bianca smoothes out her skirt as she tries to hide the fury that bubbles under the surface. It’s been a conflicting mess with Ethan these last few months, ever since Naveen gave her the diagnostics position the relationship was only further strained, the job didn't make it easier on them. Professionalism is the frayed thread that holds this complex relationship together or what's left. Thinking of his smug face, those eyes that made her melt and his sweet nothings once whispered on her neck made her heart ache that she set her teeth on edge to starve off her growing animosity and pain.

“And he couldn’t come get me because?” Bianca asks grabbing her clipboard, giving her something to dig her nails into in frustration. 

Anna gives her a look. She always hates those looks. When Anna looks too sympathetic, too kind and showing just how big of a heart she has. “I think you know why, Bianca,” a moment of silence passed by them as she fluffs out the tree and places another ornament, “he’s in his office. It’s where I last saw him heading. I’ll tell Claire you said hi.”

Bianca reaches out and squeezes her arm. Words not needed much in the moment. She sets off down the hall, heels clicking along the title as she reaches the elevators and takes them up to the third floor, right where the offices sat. Bianca rarely likes spending anytime near Ethan’s office. It's hard for her to imagine that this where they spent most of their time. 

_ Perhaps too much of our time _ .

She fiddles with the necklace around her, playing with it as a creature comfort. Her fingers run under the crescent shaped moon, tracing out the K and the B. It's been several Christmases since Kimberly gave it to her, hard to believe that much time had passed and how empty at times the holidays felt without her sister.

It's why, at the time, Bianca looked forward to spending the holidays with Ethan. Of being able to bring him home to her brothers, maybe the occasional aunts and uncles who visited from the Netherlands or back in her home state of Georgia. Spending it together after a tumultuous year and getting a much deserved break together. 

They broke up before the holidays could even happen. It happened a month into her diagnostics position.

The elevators ding is what jarrs her from her thoughts. The metal doors sliding open as she walks out and immediately rounds the corner to stride down the hall. It’s not as decorated as other places in the hospital, though some people’s doors are decked out in holiday decor. Ines’s is one of them, she’s gone ahead and streamed christmas lights around the doorframe and slaps a few glittery stars on the wall next to it. It makes Zaid office door that’s directly across from it seem so drab. Though Bianca can see Ines took the liberty to tape her signature cut out snowflakes to his door, it gets a good chuckle out of her as she walks past it. 

Ethan’s door is cracked open, the smell of coffee wafting through the crack. Her feet ground themselves right in front of the damn thing. She can’t quite bring herself to lift her arm up and knock. Just a simple knock seems too hard for her to do. 

_ God damnit Bianca, pull yourself together. For christ sake you’ve faced worse than this. You’ve died before and flatlined on the table, talking to your ex personally shouldn’t be a problem _ .

Shaking away the thoughts, Bianca doesn’t bother to knock, instead she just pushes open the door and strolls right into his office as if she owns the damn place. It’s still the same as she remembers, the only difference being he’s set up a fake christmas tree on his desk, though she’s sure he didn’t willingly put it there. It still smells like him too, that scent of fresh brewed coffee that mingles with his musky cologne. Being this up close and personal once more to Ethan again stirs up a mixture of feelings that she can’t quite place. She stares at him for a passing second, then another… and another… until he finally looks up to her from the paperwork he’s doing and it’s as if she’s been stabbed straight through her heart and left to freely bleed.

It’s those damn eyes. It’s always  _ been _ those eyes.They’re such a rich blue, a blue that’s indescribable to her. She’s seen those eyes be filled with tears, with anger, with  _ love _ . Love they once had for each other before it crumbled. It’s almost too vexatious to look at him.

“You could have knocked,” Ethan flatly says removing his glasses.

“And you could have closed your door all the way,” she shot back in the same tone.

_ We both could have done things differently _ .

“I take it Anna told you I wanted to talk to you?” 

Bianca rolls her eyes. “No, Santa’s elves told me to- yes it was Anna! Who else, smartass, there’s only five us on rounds tonight.” 

The remark gets a breathless chuckle out of Ethan before he clears his throat. “Ah, joking aside, I actually have something serious to talk to you about.”

Bianca swallows back the words she longs to say. They burn her throat yet she refrains and digs her manicured nails into the palms of her hands. “So serious you couldn’t come find me? It had to be in your office? If it’s this pressing, why didn’t you just do that?”

A weighted sigh leaves him as Ethan leans back in his seat, arms folded on the table as he gazes at her. “Because I didn’t want anyone to hear us.”

_ As if that ever stopped us in the past. And this has to be the most bullshit excuse I've heard. There's barely anyone here to hear us. _

Bianca brushes back a curl of hair from her face as she presses her lips together. After dating Ethan for as long as she did, there weren't many things that set her on edge, but this one of those times. The last time she was this on edge… 

“Ramsey by the time you even get to telling me what it is, my shift is going to be over. What is it? Whatever you have to say can’t be worse as what we’ve said in the past.” The words are venomous without meaning to be and sting without even trying. There is as much tribulation in herself as there is in his face when she’s through speaking. It was like she struck a wound that neither of them knew was still healing after long thinking it has.

Ethan can’t look at her for a moment and she can neither look at him. The tension seeps into the room as she struggles to form words. “Sorry… that was-”

Ethan cuts her off. “No. No it’s okay, you’re right.”

_ I don’t want to be right, Ethan, I want to be wrong. _

__

After having a few moments to collect themselves, Ethan is the first to speak. “I need a favor from you, Bianca, a rather large favor.”

The tensions ebbs a little as Bianca looks at him inquisitively. “A favor? What sort of favor?”

“A favor involving my parents. They’ve invited me to their home for Christmas, out in New York.”

“You were born and raised in New York?”

“I know, disgusting isn’t it?”

Bianca hides her smile behind her hand at his comment. Explained so much about him. Like his death defying driving skills for starters. Allowing for her to stifle her own laughter, Bianca continues on. “Okay so, your parent’s invited you back home? I know you don’t have the best relationship so why go? Why does this concern me.”

Ethan struggles for a moment, weighing on how he wants to answer her question. “Because my parents are getting older and after nearly losing Naveen, I figured I owed them one last visit. I’ve come to terms with the fact that they’ll never visit and be around,” he pauses and locks eyes with her, “even if I got married and had children.”

Bianca flinches as she tries to move forward, wanting to instinctively reach out and grab his hand. Tell him that it wasn’t true and that his parents would care. Again, another mental torture to put herself through. “I still don’t follow where I fit in to all of this.”

Ethan pinches the bridge of his nose. An inner conflict with himself as he stares at the ceiling for a good while before setting his stare back on her and leaning forward in his seat. “Because my parents are under the impression we’re still together and think now is a good time to meet you. So I need you to come with me and act like a couple again in order to trick my parents for the holidays.”

Bianca looks on at him as a stunned silence fills the room. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

It’s half past five in the morning when Bianca comes knocking on Ethan’s apartment door. With her is her luggage in tow and two piping cups of coffee that Ethan called and asked her to make. Their warmth is the only thing starving off the cold for her. It’s not her choice to leave this early, it’s Ethan’s. He made the plans to get on the freeway from here to New York no later than six. Though Bianca isn’t sweating being late, the longer she can push off having to sit next to Ethan for the next three hours in the car the better. Thinking of very prospect of what she’s about to do again sends a ripple of nerves through her that make her stomach twist and turn in all sorts of ways. It didn’t help her nerves either that she’s back at his place. She hasn’t set foot in this side of Boston, let alone his front doorstep, in months. 

_Last time you came here, that was the last time you both were ever together._

It all feels preternatural being around here, being around him outside of work. With work, she has the walls of professionalism to hide her. But now she’s exposed in the open to him, vulnerable, the only walls to protect her are the walls of past abuse and callousness she’s built up. Ethan broke them down, little by little, when they first dated. She’s a careless girl for allowing him to. She got hurt in the end by him that the walls immediately came back up. 

_You hurt him too. It wasn’t a one way street._

Ethan broke them down and got through them once, he could do it again. The thought alone terrifies her. 

Bianca knocks again, harder this time.“Ramsey! Open the door! What’s taking you so long?!” Bianca calls out as she sighs, miffed that it’s taking so long. “It’s not like I haven’t seen your place before!”

From the other side of the door, Jenner can be heard barking and Ethan’s muffled voice telling her to back off. Bianca has to admit, she misses Jenner quite a bit. The golden lab does constantly put a smile on Bianca’s face.

“I’m coming I’m coming! Ah Jenner, down girl down!” Ethan calls from the other side as a series of bolts and clicks sound and the door swings open.

“There yo- _oh_ my god,” Bianca says, the breath taken from her lungs. 

Bianca expects Ethan to be fully dressed, sleep deprived (more than usual), and grouchy. Instead, Bianca finds herself standing in front of Ethan who’s got nothing but a towel that is precariously hanging from his hips. His exposed chest is the first thing she notices. The upper half just as toned as she remembers though it’s softened up. She can’t stop her eyes traveling downwards, a blush creeping along her cheeks that she can’t conceal. His body is like she remembers. The nights of running her hands along it, of it being above or below her. He’s lost the abs, Bianca notes, or at the very least they’re not as defined as she remembers. If anything, Bianca finds it makes him _more_ attractive. 

Ethan sharply clears his throat and Bianca has to snap her eyes back to his face that is tinted red with his own blush. His hair is still wet, beard unshaven or trimmed. His adam apple strains against his throat, bobbing as it looks painful to swallow. Behind him, Jenner is pressed to the ground, her tail wagging happily across the floor as she whines for attention.

“I just got out,”Ethan says in a short tone, “I wasn’t expecting you for another ten minutes or so.”

Bianca struggles to keep her eyes from traveling down again. Though she allows herself a quick glance at his arms. They’re still as strong and sturdy as ever, Bianca reflects fondly the many nights those arms of his held her as they relaxed on the couch together, or the nights they’re pinning her hands above her head and-

The distinic and apical jolt of pleasure ran up her spine like a lightning strike that it breaks her from her filthy thoughts. It blooms warmth down in her stomach and a feeling between her legs as she hastily extends her arm out with his coffee to him. Her mouth feeling like cotton balls got shoved in it and the blush on her face deepening. “Coffee?”

Hastily, Ethan takes it. “Thanks. Come in.” He steps aside for her and she hurries herself in, greeting Jenner right away as Bianca happily allows Jenner to lick her and sniff her. 

“Hi Jenner girl,” Bianca laughs, “glad to see you again.” Bianca earnestly means it. She’s missed her morning walks with Jenner, or when Jenner brought Bianca her favorite chew toy while she took a bath after a long shift. 

Ethan moves around them, drinking his coffee as the towel still hugs his hips. “She’s misses you. Sometimes she still goes to the bathtub with her toy thinking you’re there.” 

The statement makes Bianca's heart ache more. She’s unsure if Ethan means it to make small talk or carelessly not thinking about the weight behind his words. 

Rising from the floor, Bianca straightens out and brings her coffee to her lips as Jenner paces off to the living room to chew on her toy. Bianca shifts, one foot to the other as she fastidiously takes in his apartment. None of it has changed, not shocking. It’s the same as the last time she was here, minus his mini christmas tree and a strand of lights across the windows. There’s some gifts under the tree, wrapped neatly up. Bianca has never felt so out of place yet quite at home as she has in this moment. 

“At least someone has missed me,” Bianca coolly says, trying to show Ethan she doesn’t care when she wholeheartedly does. It’s childish, she knows it, but she _wants_ to know if Ethan misses her too. 

_You want him to miss you so you can tell yourself that he’s missing out on a good thing. It’s to make yourself feel better._

She allows herself to look at Ethan. He’s staring at her, as if he’s never taken his eyes off of her. Ethan’s jaw is set in a constricted manner and his adam apple once again is straining as he swallows. “I’ll be ready in five, make yourself at home in the meantime. Thanks for the coffee again.”

“Sure. No problem.”

The ache in her chest begins to burn the moment he walks away from her. She blows a breath out, the air stinging her throat as her body un-tenses. She feels too sick to continue drinking her coffee as she crosses into the living room and slumps into the chair, Jenner at her feet chewing along her toy without a damn care. Bianca leans back, staring up at the ceiling so her mascara didn’t run down her face when she inevitably cries. The threat of tears are there, but they don’t ever come. Her chest shudders when she breathes in deeply. She’s had three days to prepare herself for this trip. From the very moment she said yes until now she’s had all the time in the fucking world to prepare emotionally for this or flat-out back out it and yet she just fucking didn’t. What a damn fool she is.

She sits back up and rubs her face, calming herself down as she glances over at his bookshelf tucked into the corner. Ethan has cleaned out most of the books in there. He’s still holding onto books she had gifted him. Books on poetry, famous Italian artists and a few science fiction novels Bianca had personally read and passed along to him. She’s… shocked, possibly a bit surprised even, that he’s held onto things she’d given him. Bianca lifts herself from her seat and comes over to the shelf, fingers gingerly running over the books spines, feeling the old leather or deep carved lettering on them. A solemn yet tender smile comes over her face as picks one from the shelf. It’s his book on Shakespeare, plays composed into a book she’d given him after seeing plays at the local opera house. 

The burning ache in her chest comes back for a split moment, reminding her of what once was. What used to be them.

“You ready to go?”

Bianca snaps her head towards the voice, Ethan stands across the room, bag in hand and fully clothed in a pair of dark jeans and a nice sweater. He’s left the beard untouched as with his hair, no time to clean them up she figures.

If he cares about her going through his stuff, he’s not saying anything. Though she catches the brief flicker between her and the book in her hand. Bianca sets it back in place with care. “Yeah, I’m ready. What about Jenner? Is she coming with or…”

Ethan shakes his head and clicks his tongue, Jenner at his side immediately as he pets her on top of the head. “Jenner? Around my parents? God fucking no. My mother _hates_ dogs and my father despises most animals. My next door neighbor is looking after her. Besides, we’re not even staying at my parents' place. We’re in a hotel.”

Bianca blinks a few times over, not believing what she’s hearing. “Excuse me? What do you _mean_ we’re not staying at their place? When the hell was this decided?” There’s a bite to her words. Some gnawing frustration and annoyance.

Ethan blows a breath out as he runs his fingers through his hair. “Look we can talk in the car about this. We have to get going.”

_Oh, we have so much to talk about indeed._

___________________________________

Bianca is pretty sure they sat in an ungenial silence for a good hour, almost two, before Ethan broke it. They’re on the highway though about to split off onto an exit ramp, it’s somewhere in Connecticut on the coast. The world outside is light but tinted grey, flurries of snow whipping around outside while inside is toasty warm and classical christmas music plays. 

“I think I owe you an explanation.” It’s out of the blue, random to Bianca. She’s thumbing through a magazine and making faces at appalling ensembles that models are posing when she glances over to him. Her heart jumps into her throat as all this time, she had been dreading talking and being in this position to talk to him. This isn’t work where she can escape and avoid him with ease. They’re both stuck with each other now. 

Before she can stop herself, she lets her words slip from her mouth. “I think you owe a lot of explanations.” 

_Idiot. Nice going. Always have to let the hurt get the best of you, don't you?_

Ethan lets out a sound between a scoff and cough. He takes his eyes away from the near barren road as there's barely, if any, cars out on it. “I was about to say about staying in a hotel and not telling you but please now enlighten me on what I owe you an explanation to.”

Ethan’s voice drips with a chilling hostility. To most, it makes their blood run cold and leaves interns pissing their pants. But Bianca, she’s heard worse, she knows only one man who can chill her blood and make her feel frightened. And Ethan is not one of them, not him. Bianca throws her magazine on the dashboard and shifts her full attention to him. Judging from his white knuckle grip on the steering wheel, she knows Ethan isn’t trying to lose his complete and utter shit right now. The last time they had any sort of non-work related argument, it was the argument that ended their relationship. 

“Outside of the hotel thing, why the hell you asked me to come with. Why didn’t you just go alone? Your parents can’t possibly know about me, Ethan, that’s a load of shit. You don’t even talk to them.” Bianca doesn’t even try to hide her equally matched hostility and frustration with him.

“Okay, first of all, I do. I’m not heartless like them. I called my mother on her birthday and she asked about me. I told her I was seeing you and that was the end of it. It was on my parents end to come around to the idea of finally seeing you for the holidays, not mine. And second of all you could have said no and didn’t.”

Bianca felt heat bloom across her face as Ethan looks to her. She merely scowls at him. “D-don’t fucking throw that in my face. Yo-you’re the one who never told them we bro-broke up.”

“Because it wasn’t their business!” Ethan snaps, the tips of his ears turning red.

“We’ve been broken up since October! That’s plenty of time, Ethan! There’s a reason you didn’t tell them.”

“For fuck sake, Bianca, what the hell did you want me to do? Pay someone else? Ask some random damn intern to come with me? Someone like Anna, or Claire?”

Bianca felt anger fester in her chest as tension seeps into every inch of the car and drives a growing wedge between them. She throws her hands up, looking outside for a split moment before back at him. “Oh right, because we all fucking _know_ you’re above asking and dating interns.”

The red light they approach gives Ethan the excuse to slam on his breaks. The car jerking at such a sudden stop as Ethan’s knuckles are pure white and his breathing is ponderous and uneven. His body rigid like a wooden board. There's a thickness to the air that’s almost too suffocating to her, but she says nothing as Bianca presses her nails into the palms of her hands. Struggling to hold her ground. She knows it’s a low blow, but she knows she’s not wrong either.

“Excuse me? What the _fuck_ did you just say?” Ethan’s voice is taunt and Bianca picks up the hints of wavering in his voice as Ethan is doing every damn thing he can to reel in the anger he’s most likely feeling. Ethan isn’t like Atticus because unlike him; Ethan knows how to reel in infuriation and control it, even if his control is paper thin right now. He turns his gaze onto her. His blues, against the grey world, stand out more-which in turn- makes them more haunting to look at. Bianca has never seen him this way. From the eyes to the expression he wore. One contorted out of vexation and hurt. 

Bianca feels her bottom lip tremble as she speaks. The words strain against her throat. “You heard me. I didn’t stutter. You Ethan Ramsey, you tell everyone that you have morals. Your guiding principles that you sure as shit tell yourself not to break but we all fucking know it! Admit, Ethan! You _don’t_ have any! Because you bend over backwards to break them!”

“Don’t you dare, bring my ethics and morals into this. I follow them. I-I do my best to follow them!” Ethan defends himself as the redness spreads down his ears and the nape of his neck.

“Bullshit! No you don’t! You can’t even defend yourself on why you asked me! Why didn't you tell your parents we broke up! You broke my heart, Ethan! You spent all that time telling me to go after someone else and that we couldn’t be together because of your “morals” and your “ethics”. Yet you DATED me! You threw it all to the wind and broke them! Only to turn around and break my fucking heart and tell me those were more important to you again!” Bianca’s voice chokes up at the end. A painful sting comes to her eyes as a few tears fall down her face. She’s not a crier, a public crier. “So what was I to you?! What am I to you now?! Someone easy?! D-Did you even love me? Love _us_?”

The silence is chilling. Bianca's heartbeat is erratic in her chest as her throat chokes and swallows on its own sobs. Ethan isn't looking at her, he's not even answering her. His eyes a trained fully on the vastness of the road and allows them to sit through a green light before it goes back to red. The seconds seem so painfully slow. 

"Ans-answer me dammit! Tel-tell me what it is you-" 

"I do! I did love you Bianca, I loved us! And I still love you!" Ethan's voice explodes with raw emotion. His shoulders tremble, throat straining itself to swallow, the tears he's been holding back now leak from the corner of his eyes, becoming a more illuminate blue rimmed with red. "You ask me why I invited you, why I didn't tell my parents. It's because I didn't want to face the fact if I told them, I'd finally come to terms with the fact I lost _you_. That I lost _us_!" 

Ethan shakily wipes some tears from his cheeks as he takes a quick glance to her before looking away. "I didn't want to lose you because I love you. But that's the problem… you don’t let anyone or allow fucking anybody to love you fully!You think that everybody is going to hurt you and leave you, that’s all you ever expect out of people. And you just never opened up and talked to me about it! Why it is you thought or think that! You closed me out and shut down everytime… wha-what the hell was I supposed to do about us when the _us_ is falling apart?" 

A stifled sniffle leaves Bianca. She's not the one to cry like this, crying got beaten out of her as a child. But it feels like someone reached in, seized her heart and painfully twisted it. Her chest fairing no better; it's like someone took a searing hot knife and is ramming it repeatedly into her, the raggedness of her breathing not helping. 

"Picking your morals and your ethics is what _you did_! I know I had my issues, my problems, E-Ethan. Bu-but you pulled yourself away too! And how did you end things?! By te-telling me that our relationship got in the way of your fucking morals and you needed to stand by your ethics again!" She takes a large breath in and turns away from him, wiping carefully at her eye as to not smudge her mascara. "There was noth-nothing we could have done, Ethan… the-there wasn't anything that wa-was going to fix us." That’s a lie and she knows it. Bianca knows they could have fixed the problems. 

There's not much after that, that Ethan says, or herself for that matter. They sit in a silence that is neither uncomfortable nor welcomed. Its just there, there to fill the space between them. She knows she's right, just as much as he's right about her. In the reflection of the window, she notices Ethan's hand reaching out to place itself on her thigh. She remembers blissfully, how that was a common comfort he does when driving or after a debate, to show he still cares even if they aren’t on good terms.

He drew his hand back sharply, as if realizing what he was doing.She only remembers passing by a sleepy cafe on the side of the road before she closes her eyes, the last of her tears falling from her cheeks as she allows sleep to greet her and put her at ease even if just for a moment.

_______________

It’s the jostling of her shoulder that wakes Bianca up. Her foggy, deep sleep lifting off of her as stretches herself out. She blinks lazily, turning to her left to see Ethan in the driver's seat with his door open. The fight they had came flooding back to her and hit her like a tidal wave, smashing straight into her chest. She wants to pretend the fight didn’t happen. 

_He said he loved you. He still loves you_

Knowing that somehow makes her feel worse and miss him even more.

Ethan looks beat, looks listless. The lack of sleep and hours of driving having caught up with him. His hand is still lingering on her shoulder. “You’re awake. Good. We’re at the hotel.”

Bianca glances to his hand before looking back to him. “I slept the whole way? I told you I’d help you drive.” Her voice is groggy and sleep filled.

“You were sacked out pretty hard, I didn’t want to wake you. And you…” Ethan pauses, debating on what to say next that doesn’t make him sound like a total ass, “you were up pretty early. Letting you sleep is the least I could do. Now come on, I’ve been putting off the inevitable of meeting my parents, they’re waiting for us up in the lobby.”

Groaning, Bianca pops her car door open and slides out, greeted by icy winds and the echos of traffic from above as the parking garage they’re in amplifies the sounds. She tugs her cardigan around herself more as she looks around the place. She’s never seen this many Jaguars, Corvettes and Lincolns before in one place. Hell, she even sees a valet worker driving down an expensive looking Rolls Royce

“Where the hell are we, Ethan? What kind of clientele is this hotel serving? I feel like if even remotely breathe on one of these cars someones going to sue me for emotional damage,” Bianca tries to joke as Ethan pulls himself from his side of the car and shuts his door.

Ethan rubs the back of his neck. “The rich kind. My parents money--I mean-- generosity, put us up in one of the fanciest hotels in the city. You’ll see when we get in. They’re doing it mostly to impress you, I think. Mother hates not being impressionable.”

Bianca raises an eyebrow at him. “Impress me,” she snorts, “oh please, I was a rich kid growing up. My parents tried to not act like we were rich, thank god, but when your mom can fly you first class to Disney-world and spend a whole week there staying in Cinderella’s castle, you tend to pick up that you’re _that_ rich kid.”

Ethan sighs heavily as he pops the trunk and fishes out their bags, handing off her suitcase while he pulls out his own. “Sounds like you and I lived the same childhood almost. Only I think your parents, your mom at least, showed you genuine love and affection. While I know this is to impress, I know deep down it’s my parents displaying whatever scrap of love they got left for me. Love from them was bought, not given.”

Bianca frowns, brows furrowing together. She’s not expecting such a somber answer from him.It’s never occurred to her that her rich childhood may have been one of the rare exceptions to the rules of rich kids, and Ethan’s perhaps being one of the less fortunate stories. “Did they do that a lot? When you were a kid? Love was materialistic , not emotional.”

Ethan passes her a somber glance as he slams the trunk and locks the, already walking ahead of her to the elevator that is a few feet away. “Yes, often. My holidays mostly consisted of being with nannies or maids. Mother and father they… tended to think glitzy trips to Paris or LA for a weekend was enough to make up for their estranged absences.” Upon reaching the elevator, Ethan punches the up button and the elevator opens not a moment too soon. Bianca slips in right beside him as the doors shut and the elevator rumbles on up, though it is painstakingly slow and it doesn’t help that they’re on the second floor of the garage.

Bianca doesn’t know how to feel anymore, in all honesty. Her head a mess of emotions and stomach feeling uneasy. She knows they should talk about the fight, it’s hard to ignore it. The talk of their childhoods just a means of avoidance. Though bringing it up now, right when she’s about to meet his parents, it makes for a bad first impression. Even thinking of the fight stirs some anger in her that cools into that longingness that aches for him. Her hands tremble as she folds her arms across her chest and trains her eyes on the floor. From the corner of her eyes, she catches Ethan trying to act straight laced yet failing. He’s a fucking mess. Hair a bit tousled, body unnaturally tensed, eyes enervated. Even his body gives small shivers out of frayed nerves and stress. 

Oh, how it is to be so indignant with someone yet be so in love with them.

It fucking kills her knowing Ethan still loves her, and she can’t even tell him she loves him in return. Bianca wishes to scream from the very heavens how much she loves him. How desperate she is to feel his touch again, to let herself be loved by him again. They where both fools for not trying to make the relationship work and instead chose to give up on it in the end.

_Just tell him, just show him you still love him, even just a tiny bit for right now._

With her heart ramming in her chest, she swallows hard, mouth feeling dry. “Ethan.” Bianca says it with the most even tone of voice she can muster.

Ethan hesitantly looks over at her at the same time that she can muster the strength to look at him. Bianca takes a step closer to him and reaches out to touch his cheek, but his shaky hands clasps around her own before she even gets the chance. His eyes look beyond gorgeous in such bright lighting. Ethan can’t help but place his free hand on her hip. Bianca isn’t sure if it’s to ground himself or to draw her in closer, but the latter of the two works as she brings herself closer to him, so close she can smell the faint scent of coffee on his lips. He looks down at her, her head slightly tilted up to look at him to gaze back at him.

Bianca leans in just slightly, pushing herself off the floor just enough to bring her lips closer to him. She knows she’s being impetuous. She shouldn’t do it but she’d be damned if she didn’t. Ethan un-twines heir hands so that she can place both of her hands on either side of his cheeks, pulling him in slightly just as their fervid breathes mingle together and her eyes flutter to a close. His hands digging into her clothes so vehemently. Her heart burns and hammers in her chest as she’s desperate to have his lips on her own. His skin is flushed under the palm of her hand, the stubble of his beard tickling her. His lips brush on hers in a ghost like manner. Close yet still so far away. Destitute yet unable to have what they both clearly desire.

However, the kiss Bianca desperately hopes doesn’t come. The elevator comes to a halt and the soft _ding_ overhead ruins the moment, allowing for it to slip by them and leaving in its wake their flushed red faces, rapid beating hearts and a whole new wave of emotions to not try and drown in as the doors began to slide open for them.


End file.
